my twenty-seventh husband

This marriage I quickly had annulled. Mr and Mrs Tiny Tim.

my twenty sixth husband (my first wife)

Mrs and Mrs Lady Gaga

my twenty sixth husband (my first wife)

Dear Lady Gaga,

Telephone is currently the number one played song on my ipod. Everyone knows I have a weakness for Beyoncé. She is the best dancer on the planet (R.I.P Michael Jackson). I hope you collaborate with her more so that we can invite her over for dinner. Or even better Family Game Night.

At first I hated you and all that you stood for, however you proved yourself to me and now I am proud to call you my husband. You have the best clothes I have ever seen and your songs make me want to dance like crazy. I am hoping my friend Taylor will have a Gaga themed party, maybe you can come?

Love your little monster Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand-MacFarlane-Thomas-Peñate-Phinnessee-Cera-Koenig-Tomson-Batmanglij-Baio-Bass-Bevan-Carter-Rock-Garner-Hummel-Kenickie-Carter-Gaga.

my twenty fifth husband

Mr and Mrs Aaron Carter (circa 1997-2000)

my twenty fifth husband

Dear Aaron Carter (circa 1997-2000),

Due to the current overload of Bieber Fever I have been reminiscing over my childhood crushes and it seems you were my most dramatic. My best friend, December and I didn’t speak for a whole week in grade two because of a fight over which one of us was going to marry you. It seems I have won. TAKE THAT DECEMBER!

Yours preadolescently,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand-MacFarlane-Thomas-Peñate-Phinnessee-Cera-Koenig-Tomson-Batmanglij-Baio-Bass-Bevan-Mars-Rock-weir-Garner-Hummel-Kenickie-Carter.

PS. Both, you and your brother are hideous now. What a shame, you had such great potential.