my twelth husband

Michael Cera wouldn't come see Lamb of God with me last night.

* RELATIONSHIP FAIL*

my twelth husband

Mr and Mrs Michael Cera

my twelth husband

Dear Michael,

Thanks for going steady with me. We are a cute couple. I really like you a lot. I like that you’re nerd hot. I like that you always play the same awkward character in every film you’re in. I like that you have a little face and a big nose. I like the soundtracks to all your movies. I like how you smile while you’re talking. I like a lot of things about you. What do you like about me?

Love Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand-MacFarlane-Thomas-Peñate-Phinnessee-Cera.

my eleventh husband

Mr and Mrs Darryl Phinnessee

my eleventh husband

Dear Darryl,

I love you so much. When I first saw you I actually cried. However not with joy, but with fear. I don’t mean to offend you, it is just that one time I was sunbaking by my pool and I was bitten by a snake. It was quite a traumatic event in my life. You know how grateful I am to you for helping me to overcome the constant fear I was living in. Your bulging eyes and musical talent taught me that I will be ok in this world. Just as you reminded me that MJ will be ok because he is in a better place now.

I will always remember those first tears.

Yours in fear,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand-MacFarlane-Thomas-Peñate-Phinnessee.

my tenth husband

Mr and Mrs Jack Peñate

my tenth husband

Dear Jack,

I usually don't like pretty boys but I like the way you do it. I don't really like hats but when you wear them, I do. I don't like the colourful outfits compiled by gay boys but when you wear them, I do. I don't really like facial hair but it suits you so I do. I don't like hip hop music but when you're dancing to it, I do. I'm glad we got married and you said I do (even if someone "mysteriously" slipped you a rufie and you have no memory of it).

Yours creepily and suspiciously,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand-MacFarlane-Thomas-Peñate.

my ninth husband

Mr and Mrs Josh Thomas

my ninth husband

Dear Josh,

I like to stalk you online. I don't mind that you look like Benjamin Button. You can make me dinner anytime. I'm really sorry you got kicked off masterchef. At least you have the apron to remember it by and the sweet sweet memory of cooking for Matt Preston.

I will love you long after our union is annulled.

Yours without your permission,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand-MacFarlane-Thomas.

my eighth husband

Mrs and Mr Ed MacFarlane from Friendly Fires

my eighth husband

Dear Ed,

At first I wasn't sure of our love, then I saw you dance.

Yours longingly,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand-MacFarlane.

my seventh husband

Mr and Mrs Russel Brand

my seventh husband

Dear Russel,

Remember that time we punched that owl in the stomach? A sweet moment. You are a sweet guy. Also you are the biggest whore I have ever met. I like you because you get around more than I do. I know you are not capable of fidelity, I think now is the time to tell you that Paolo and I are getting back together. I hope I haven't hurt your ego too badly.

(Not really) yours,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini-Brand.

my sixth husband

Mr and Mrs Paolo Nutini

my sixth husband

Dear Paolo,

I am sorry that your relationship with Terri Brogan didn't work out. However look what you have gained. Me. I like your friends, especially the one that peed on your face and old mate in his undies, good times good times. My fondest memories of you and I are the lazy days we spend together in Paisley (via google maps & google images). I hope to sing more jungle book songs with you in the future.

Yours truly, madly, deeply,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T-Nutini.

my fifth husband

Mr and Mrs Jamie T

my fifth husband

Dear Jamie,

I am using you for your pronunciation and careless use of the word "weather".

Yours honestly,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller-T.

my fourth husband

Mr and Mrs Ben Kweller

my fourth husband

Dear Ben,

I'm poisonous like a poisonous mushroom.

Yours temporarily,

Jasmine Jacket-Jackson-Green-Kweller.